It has been an amazing 9 weeks. I have seen an improvement in my Hidradenitis Suppurativa that I never thought I would. I’ve been living pain-free for weeks. I’ve worn my bikini lots and lots. I’ve spent evenings in the hot tub on holiday. With no daily swelling, I’ve found my trigger foods easier to spot, any little flare being noticeable. I’ve enjoyed nights and days off this crazy diet with little impact to my HS.
I’ve been living!
So now, I’m getting ready to say goodbye. Goodbye to Clindamycin and Rifampicin. My little security blankets in tablet form. My little silver linings. Goodbye to the guarantee that I will have consecutive days of no pain. Goodbye to cheating on my diet.
Guess what? I’m super scared!
I am trying to get it into perspective. I have made progress on working out triggers. I’ve had a long period of nearly 100% remission. I’ve had an even longer time with no open lesions. I’ve found a temporary fix that I may be able to use for future holidays or situations where I think I may not be able to stick to my diet. I have made progress on accepting my new eating habits – although sometimes I feel I am a long way from being fully committed to paleo eating! I have organically phased out certain foods that I believe will very, very rarely – if ever- pass these lips again. Above all, I have enjoyed my physical freedom and am grateful for being able to once again, experience pain-free living.
Many of you have said that it will be fine. So long as I stick to the diet, I will stay in remission. I’m hoping so. The problem is, life is always getting in the way. Due to the storm damage, I no longer have a freezer. I have lost all my homemade chicken stock, fish stock, coconut milk, bones and gluten/sugar-free goodies I had made and frozen. I have a Campingaz stove instead of a proper stove top/hob. I am in the middle of moving house again – the second time in 6 weeks. I have a second job interview for a 22 hour post – minimum. I need to find a child-minder. I have a super active 2 year old and a very teenage 10 year old! I am dealing with all of life’s hiccups and obstacles in a foreign language. This is enough to make anyone lose their cooking mojo, right??!
To deal with all this, I am trying to focus on staying prepared as much as possible. I’ve been making an excess of food at dinner to ensure I have plenty left over to eat for breakfast or lunch. I am eating plenty of fruit (I am not about to make any inroads on this sugar dragon with this level of stress!). I am looking at lots of lovely recipes of all the foods I can eat. I am reading my lovely new Digestive Health with Real Food book, to remind myself why I am eating like this.
Despite all my efforts and due to the chaos we are living in, we are still having take outs on occasion. I still try to avoid things that I know will really aggravate my HS. However, I’m sure once I’m off the antibiotics, these foods will cause me big problems, if I were to eat them as often as I am now. That’s what scares me. Just a day or two of undisciplined eating could send me back to those dark days of pain.
On the positive side, I will be antibiotic free. My stomach will be normal again. I won’t feel lethargic anymore. I won’t be reminded by my Inner Hypochondriac that I am slowly poisoning myself to death. My feet will stop peeling. Certain other parts will stop itching! My body flora will be graciously returned to its natural state – although I’m sure it’ll be awhile before I get a good balance back!
In al, I will have achieved what I set out to achieve – a clean slate to start afresh with. No leaks, no spots, no swelling.
I have been free and I have enjoyed it. Every. Single. Day.
One week left of this free ride, then it’s back to business. Better get my head back in those books!